Just Dance Your Dance

 I was the chaperone at a high school dance last night.  It was a side organization that tries to create safe environments for students to have fun and get mentored by some fun loving adults. There was plenty of food, a dance floor and a DJ with lights and a smoke machine! Because nothing in life is quite as epic without a smoke machine ... Right?  There were students from multiple schools in the county. Out of all those people, there was one couple in particular that caught my eye and intrigued me.  The guy was tall and skinny and was incredibly outgoing. He couldn't dance worth much, but that didn't stop him from gyrating all over the dance floor!  He would dance with his friends and he would dance with his girlfriend holding her arms and wailing them as wildly as he was. It didn't seem like he knew a single stranger. His girlfriend was quite the opposite. She was a fairly attractive young lady, but she seemed quite timid and unsure of herself. She would follow her boyfriend around just waiting to see what else he was going to do. She wanted to be a part of whatever he was doing. She would start to dance… or at least move her hands in a slightly awkward dancing fashion without moving them outside of her shoulders, bent at the elbows and when her boyfriend would turn to her, she would raise her I eyebrows and give an open mouth smile like she was having the time of her life! Then when he would turn away from her, she would settle down to that awkward stance and even step just slightly off the dance floor as to get out of such an unfamiliar environment. She was trying so hard not to mess up and not do anything embarrassing or awkward.  The problem is that in her trying so hard to be perfect and not awkward, it made her look so incredibly awkward! The very thing that she was trying to avoid by her actions, she actually brought on herself by those same actions. You could easily tell that she did not know who she was outside of being this guy's girlfriend. Now, don't get me wrong, he was incredibly nice to her and seemed to be a good boyfriend. She just had no identity outside of him and her fear of messing up was crippling her.

 I have been there before. Trying for the acceptance and approval of a new boss or a new group of friends and the very things that I would do in order to gain their favor would end up being what made me all the more the awkward and unsuccessful. Some of my most appreciated and accepted moments are when I wasn't even trying! When I was just being who I am.

When I go shopping with my wife, I get bored. However malls were made just for me. Each store has a new song playing, a new mood and a new way to ... annoy my wife! The mall is where I get to experiment with new dance moves and I usually do them in order to gain the attention of my wife or a random shopper. All my best moves come from this very awkward experiment of body movements. And to be honest, I am actually incredibly awkward. I know that I am seeking attention and acceptance but because I am trying for it, I normally get this horribly peeved look and the exact opposite of my goal. ... Or is it? ...

I have been caught many other times, in my own world. Not that I am totally tuned out, but when the music is on you can catch me bobbing my head, moving my legs or strutting my shoulders to the beat. This will sometimes get a giggle from an unsuspected passerby. In these moments, I am not intending the approval of anyone, but I get it for no other reason than I am not trying for it!

Now, I know that my theory is circumstantial and you certainly should not "try" and get attention, acceptance or approval by Not trying! That's like a double negative. None of that shouldn't work never!

Be yourself! Be the best you that you can be and don't ever question it! Do your thing, be who you are and people will respect you all the more for it! You do you!

Just Dance Your Dance!

Ride that wave!

Labor Day weekend, The first Monday of September that is intended to be a celebration of all of our labors and hard work, actually tends to be a marker for the end of summer. Almost like a last celebration. The final cookout, the last get together, and the last chance to be outside with semi-warm temperatures! People bring in their piers and boats from the water. Lawn chairs and grills get put back in the garage. And water parks shut down for the season.

I took advantage of this last opportunity! I took my kids to a waterpark! Now this waterpark had a lot of really cool slides and pools, but one in particular that had the attention of quite a few was the wave pool. It was this padded tarp in the shape of the inside of a wave. There was a deck at the top of this "wave" from which you were to start. There was water forced from the bottom of this ramp up to the deck in order to create the function of a wave in the ocean. It had two sections, one side for beginners with a trainer and the other side for those who could start by themselves. My kids were so excited to try it for themselves! So, I signed them up with a form that stated that in the event of injury or death the waterpark was not responsible! ... Do those forms ever make you feel a little less like a responsible parent?… Na, I mean, as long as they had fun… Right? ... Once they were signed up and waiting in line, I sat and watched as others attempted this seemingly difficult feat. Some would start with their belly to the board and others would jump on the board with two feet. My nine and ten year old son's would start on their bellies and regularly get splashed in the face! This always made me chuckle a bit. As they learned to maneuver the board there were obvious over compensations they made that sent them off of the board and when they hit the water it was with such a force that it sent them flying over the crest of the wave and onto the deck above! This was hilarious to watch! Someone trying so hard with such intensity would wipe out, face plant, flip over and then the force of the water would send them soaring up over the wave! The wipe outs became more intense for those who would attempt actually surfing standing up ... Which my twelve year old daughter decided to try with one of the trainers. Now she has had an unfair advantage as my exwife takes them to the lake quite often and has wake surfed and wake boarded behind a boat several times. Many who would attempt would find a position and hold it as stiff as possible hoping not to lose it. This would hold them for a second or two but with one slight change in the wave structure they didn't know what to do because holding the same position didn't make sense anymore and the would fall soon after. My daughter acted very similarly to those on the experienced side. She kept a good stance but honestly stayed quite flexible even testing the waves to see what she could do sliding back and forth and even bending to touch the water below. She stayed up much longer than those who would attempt with such a firm, strict and unwavering stance. Her flexibility allowed her to continue to ride the waves. She would feel the waves and move with them and at times even control them. At this point, when she was done she no longer feared the wave and would drop off of the board and let the wave take her to the deck. I was a pretty proud dad!

Over the centuries life has been metaphorically compared to a wave. The similarities of their rise and fall, consistent yet unpredictable nature. Many times i use this metaphor as though I am under the waves, nearly drowning and they keep knocking me down. However in watching my daughter tame the waves, take away their fear and actually ride them, I realized, we can do this in life too. We can not ride on top with a rigid, fixed and unwavering approach. We have to be able to flex, feel and move with it.

My life certainly has not turned out how I planned, but you know what, I have learned to ride that wave!

The life that you have had planned for yourself may need to change. The life you have planned for others will certainly have to change! There may be things, ideas or people that you have labeled as wrong that need relabeled. There may be events and situations that need evaluated differently. Otherwise you will not ever get back on top of the wave.

Even flexing and feeling the wave you are going to fall, but this time staying under it is not an option! So you get back up on two feet, flex and feel the wave and ride it once again!

You can do it! You are completely able and capable! I believe in you! Ride that wave!

The Bees are Coming!

Yesterday I was headed out of the house for work when in the living room I had seen two bumble bees in the house. Not a big deal. We have been letting our new dog in and out of the back sliding door and sometimes we don't get it completely shut. I opened the door and guided them outside and went off to work. This morning I came downstairs and there were two more bees inside my house. These two bees were being much more difficult in their guidance out the door. I got a little frustrated with them and just took the flip flop in my hand and I smashed them both! Okay ... Done ... Problem Solved! 

I know that bees are good for the eco system. They are huge in the reproduction of the plants around us and who can deny a creature that makes dessert! I sure do love honey! However, they have stingers, and when they come into my home which is intended to protect us from these outside forces and don't listen well to my politely asking them to leave ... I must turn to protect my humble abode!

After killing those two bees, I didn't realize that I had triggered a man-hunt! I was laying on the couch, getting ready to write a completely different blog when I was surrounded by about ten bees ... in my house! I went from relaxing on the couch to running for my life out of my home! When outside of the house, I noticed some more bees flying around the corner of my foundation. As I creeped closer, I could see that they were entering and exiting through a crack in the foundation. They were living under my house and some how made their way inside. I immediately contacted my wife and my landlord. They are sending an exterminator later today. 

The bees were claiming my home as theirs! So, until I get the cure to my infestation, how do I still live in the home that I had once deemed safe? What does any man do when his home has been invaded by Stinger and his mob? We instantly turn into Chuck Norris, ready to kick butt and take names! So I barge in ... more like slowly and timidly open the door and slither inside along the furthest wall away from the bees. I noticed that they are no longer flying all over the room, they have all been attracted to the front window. I grab my nun chucks in the form of two flip flops and I take my stance like I had seen in the movies. I would sneak up to the window, get my flip flop as close to the bee on the window to avoid missing and unnecessary impact, hoping not to break the window. I smack it and I run away, ducking for cover all the way to the kitchen. When I figured out that the rest of them didn't follow after me in revenge, I slowly peeked around the kitchen wall. I tiptoed back over to the window, hit another one and stepped back away. I gained confidence and continued to take them down one by one like a ninja warrior until all were do out of commission. That is when I could sit down and started this blog. Now every once in a while a couple of bees come out from the separation between by lower wall trim and the carpet and I let them stay because only a few are not bothersome, however when they invite all their friends to the party I have to shut it down! 

I know that I may not have handled this situation correctly, there may have been a much more peaceful and environmentally encouraging way to handle my problem today, I just couldn't find one on the internet that didn't encourage being assisted by a pest professional which I am not. I certainly don't condone violence though we all wish in our inner being that we could make someone who attacks us look at least a little foolish. 

Our lives, so often, feels like my bumble be adventure today! I have felt surrounded by a swarm anticipating the sting and maybe have even been stung a few times. There are times when try to defend myself and just start out swinging. That only seems to make it worse and the swarm gets hostile. Other time I just stay laying there like "here we go again" assuming the worst and that there is no reason to do anything about it. Acting defeated still never fixes anything. However, when I have stepped outside of my life, kind of paused it for a moment and reflected. Just like I stepped outside the house and looked for the problem. I can find where it all started, and fix the source of it all. Many times that means that I need help. Help sometimes comes from friends or family and sometimes it comes from a professional, someone trained to handle these problems. They then coach me through the healing and restoration necessary to again have peace and sanity! When I can step back and look at it, when you can find the core, it is so empowering! Even with the help of others it still puts me on top of your world! 

You can do it! You are strong! Your life is beautiful and we are all better off that you are with us!

Intrigued

My four year old daughter now has shoes with laces! I am not okay with this! She is my baby girl, she can't be learning to tie shoes! Anyway, that's a complete side note. We were at the park the first time she had them when she ran by me and I noticed that they were both untied. I didn't figure that they would stay tied permanently. So I flag her down, sit her down and tie her shoes. She then takes off to play on the play set. Not more than five minutes later, she runs by me again, shoe laces bouncing around her feet like snakes trying to bite her legs. I get her to stop again and I tie them up. She tells me "Thank you" in her sweet little voice which always makes it all okay and she runs away once again. She then slides down the slide and I see her shoe strings dangling lifelessly from her shoes as she sits on the edge. Seriously! Am I just that bad at tying shoes? Will they never stay tied? I tie them up, she takes off and up the climbing wall. As she approached the top she turned around pulls her knees to her chest and starts tugging at her shoe laces! She has been messing with them this whole time! She would grab the ends with curiosity transferring between the end an the loop trying to process what is going on with them. She wasn't pulling at them because they bothered her but because she was interested, curious and intrigued! In the process they would come untied and she would begin her attempts at putting it all back together which were unsuccessful because she is four and her hand-eye coordination is not quite developed yet. The mystery of the untied shoe strings is solved ... Except... What about my twelve year old daughter? Her shoe strings are always untied too ... To be continued...

We went to the Fort Wayne Children's Zoo a few weeks ago and my kids really enjoyed it! The problem with the Zoo is that many of the animals have too many places to hide. They are lazy and try to get away from us spectators. How rude! Don't they know that I paid good money to see them! They should be alert and alive and performing for us, right? I know, the Zoo really is for the animals, bringing awareness to their kind and concern for their habitats while trying to give them the most natural living arrangements possible. Which means places to hide as well. However, there was one creature that broke the trend. We were walking along a wooden walkway through the "African Safari" area of the Zoo. As we approached a deck where there were like ten kids huddled around a section of the rails. There was lots of excitement and energy. Laughing and sometimes fear! The kids were playing with an ostrich! The Zoo keeper was there that was in charge of this area stated that the ostrich is very curious and interested. It was happy and having fun, as were the kids. Both the kids and the ostrich were interested, curious and intrigued! 

My twelve year old daughter has a Rip Stick. It is kind of like a skateboard but it only has two wheels like those on in-line skates (roller blades), one under the front foot and another under the back foot, each able to rotate. It also has a swivel bar between both sections allowing the propelling of it by twisting your hips and repeatedly flexing your ankles alternating left and right. My daughter is pretty good at it. She was curious and interested in doing more than just riding it, so we looked up on YouTube how to do some simple tricks. We learned how to do a manual (wheelie) where you prop up the nose just riding on the back wheel. Once she is comfortable with the instructions she decides to try it for herself. She gets herself going, leans back then stumbles and steps off. She gets back on it to try again only to arrive at the same result. She attempted this multiple times without success. I asked her what she thought was wrong and she said that it was because she is scared. Her fear was holding her back from accomplishing this trick. 

Fear is a good thing. It is our brain's way of telling us something is dangerous and that we may get hurt! If there was no fear then our ancestors would have died off a long time ago. The problem that we have is that we missuse fear. We so often think if fear as something that happens to us instead of something that we can use. This is why we can lock up and shut down! This missuse of fear keeps us from trying new things, making great accomplishments and having a lot of fun!

While we were at the Fort Wayne Children's Zoo, the kids were excited to get on the Sky Safari! It was like a ski lift, a bench hanging from a cable that lifts you up above the trees in order to see a large portion of the zoo from above. I have a fear of heights! This is a good thing, because he keeps me from putting myself in positions where I could fall plummeting to my death. My biggest fear was not necessarily me falling off of these sky high benches but one of my kids falling and there being nothing I could do to save them. The problem in this instance is that it was hindering me from having fun with my kids! This ride is safe! It's been there for years and they use these all over the world! I am not going to say that I had nothing to fear, but I didn't need to let it hinder me and take control of me! I just needed to take control of it and you know what, I and my kids had a blast! It was a lot of fun and no one got hurt.

Courage is not the absence of fear it is the use of fear in your favor.

Take control of your fear. Be intrigued, try new things, use fear to your advantage and change the world!

These people are so weird!

I met this family the other day that was so weird! First off the father, he was balding but none of his kids are! Was he really even their father? His adult son was even a good 5 inches taller than him and his wife! As we were talking his son said something and then started laughing. Not like a real laugh but this weird "ha ha ha" as he was looking at the rest of his family for confirmation which was only responded to by his father who says "That's about as bad as mine" and then he starts laughing too! It wasn't funny, I didn't get it! Then his sister chimes in with this story. The thing is that as she begins to tell it, it's in this monologue style like it was previously written even though it wasn't. It was hilarious, but yet such a dramatic representation which is probably part of why it was so funny. The mother then comes out of the blue with some quick fact about a family friend who just found out that they had cancer. Wow, what a mood crusher! That was unexpected. We were just all laughing, not at the son's joke, but at the daughter's story and then the laughing just died. Who does that? Then the other daughter, the earlier daughter's twin, who looks nothing like the other, speaks to the mother with concern and questions that everyone responds to in complete sincerity as though they weren't just laughing hysterically. Then the father speaks up once again explaining in gruesome detail the last doctor's appointment that he had and instead of seeing this a obscenely weird, one of the twins begins asking a series of medical questions like some sort of medical nerd. I assume that she must be a nurse or a doctor, but she's not!

This family is so weird!

This is my family! My family is so weird!

In the eighties, Tom Cruise was someone that I looked up to. He was such a cool guy in Top Gun and always seemed to have a good head on his shoulders, could make solid decisions and was quite rational. However today you can Google "Tom Cruise Crazy" and you get so many articles about how Tom has gone crazy, nuts and just plain weird!

When someone believes, acts or lives differently than we do, we lump them in a box of weird, odd and crazy.

I have this saying that heard once yet I can't remember from who, that I tell myself (and sometimes others) when ever I meet someone and find out that they are just plain nuts in one way or another, "Everybody's normal until you meet them!" You see, even I can't escape the reality that some people could see me as someone they look up to until they really meet me and find out that I am a few french fries short of a full order!

My kids like to tell me how weird I am and when they do, I respond, "That's what makes me so special!" No one else is like me, I am my own person and that's what makes me weird and amazing!

We tend to surround ourselves with the people that are the same kind of weird as us and then we tell ourselves, "I have finally found someone normal!" In many ways that can be very therapeutic and helpful, but if that is all that we let into our lives, we can end up very bland and close-minded. It can honestly get quite lonely if you can't end up finding those who meet those guidelines for you. 

Whenever I see someone and think that their life, beliefs and views are crazy, weird and out-of-the-box I actually tend to spend more time with them. I have so many questions to ask and they make me incredibly curious. Even if I don't believe the same way that they do after my questioning, I normally find out that they are the way that they are for a reason. They have had life experiences, medical conditions or a biology that makes them the way that they are and I find that so fascinating! To be honest, somebody's differences from me are what draws me the closest to them. That's why my family is so fun to be around, because we are so different and weird that I just can't get enough of them!

If you find that your life is pretty normal and the people around you all make sense, then you haven't asked enough questions of them or haven't opened up about who you really are. Find others who are so different than you and dig a little deeper, I bet you will find some of your best and most lasting friendships.

You are weird! Embrace it and love the things that make you different from others!
Surround yourself with weird and gain a whole new understanding of this world!

What's Your Next Adventure?

The other day, I called to to talk with my kids, when on the other end of the phone I here screaming and excitement! I hear, "Samiah Caught a Fish! Samiah Caught a Fish!" Zadyn, my nine year old son, had been helping Samiah, my four year old daughter, how to fish off of the peer at the lake. It takes a little bit for him to get it put away so that they could come chat with me, but as soon as the fish gets put in a bucket of water, Zadyn take's no time to tell me "Samiah Caught a Fish and it's the biggest [of it's kind (I don't know fish very well)] that I have ever seen!" Zadyn was so excited! He had not only taught his little sister to fish, but she caught a big one, not just some we little one, this one competes with what he catches! Zadyn is nearly a professional fisherman, he's just too young to get paid for it. He catches a ton of fish, frogs, tadpoles, crawdads and many other aquatic creatures. He is always concocting a new adventure and this day, this adventure was to teach his little sister to fish! What an exciting time that was and I was only on the other end of the phone!

My 12 year old daughter Awan has always been a climber. She was climbing into her stroller on her own when she was one, climbed to the top of her closet when she was two and continued climbing on everything else even to this day. At the park there was this tree that, when she was younger, she wanted to climb. Now my rule for my kids in climbing things is that I will not lift you into or onto it, but if you can climb into or onto it, I will be close for the catch but I will let you continue to climb. I feel that if any one of them needs my help to get into or onto it, then he or she is not physically strong enough to be in or on it. Well this tree at the park was just that for a little while for Awan. She was not developed enough to lift herself past the trunk in order to get into the branches so she was not allowed into it by any help. She grew older, taller and stronger and eventually could climb in that tree. The day that she could get into that tree was an exhilarating day! She was so excited and I was ecstatic for her! What a great new adventure for her!

We visited that same park a couple of weeks ago. Awan comes up to me and waves me to come see something. She takes me over to that same tree and steps into it with ease. She says to me "This tree is so small! I am bigger than it!" Now she wasn't literally bigger than the tree, but it was so easy for her to climb in, she basically owned that tree. That tree was no longer an adventure for her. It was a nice trip down memory lane, but no longer the adventure that it once was. She jumped out of the tree and was on to her next adventure ... how to ride a Ripstick! (Lessons on the Ripstick graciously given by her father who once broke his arm riding one! LOL)

You know, there are so many times that we fall into new adventures! Some we like and enjoy, others start out with us not liking it but then we take on the challenge and push forward learning how to get through it, we end up enjoying it. We end up stronger, wiser and better because of it! Whether we like them or not, these are the adventures of our lives and we certainly wouldn't be the person that we are today with out them. What if we started looking for our new adventures? What if we looked at the old adventure, realize that we are bigger than it and move on toward the next one, actively seeking for it instead of accidentally falling into it? What could our world look like then? You could find someone new to teach something to! (Maybe they do it even better than you!) You could find a challenge that you are unsure about, but could make life better for you and those around you and actually try it! The greatest ideas have come from people who have stepped away from the old adventure, knowing that it is now over and moved toward something new! You can do just that. You can change your world, make things better and improve the lives of those around you. You are capable, able and tough enough to try!

You are going to do amazing things!

GO FIND YOUR NEXT ADVENTURE!

Contagious

We were at Subway eating dinner. It's always a challenge getting four kids to place their orders and keep their attention focused all the way through the meats and on through the vegetables. If one of them gets theirs toasted, you've lost them and you have got to hunt them down and get them back for the vegetables. Luckily Subway restaurants are never that big! We sat down with our sandwiches and began to eat. I can usually relax a little when there is food in front of the kids, it keeps them out of trouble. LOL. As we were eating I hear Zadyn, my nine year old son, start giggling. His giggles get louder and then he is full out laughing! At this point I look over and he can't keep his eyes open, he gasps for breath in between the extended laughter. I start to smile, I look over at Awan, my twelve year old daughter and she is laughing too. She actually has no idea what Zadyn is laughing about but because he is laughing, so does she! At this point I start to giggle a bit to myself and look around as other people look over ... smiling! My dad was with us and I heard a giggle from him. My nearly 4 year old daughter looks at me pointing at Zadyn and lets out a ha ha ha. The other people in subway, even the employees are either smiling or giggling under their breath! I still don't know what he was laughing about, but does it matter? He started an epidemic, an outbreak of laughter that was so contagious the whole restaurant was affected or infected!

When we talk about the contagious, we normally talk about diseases. Colds, the flu, west nile, ebola, etc. However, there are so many more things that are so contagious that we don't normally even think about. Excitement, sadness, encouragement or abuse. Traditions, traits, passions and care can all be just as contagious.

A few weeks ago I wrote an experimental post called "Hopeless" where I expressed some troubled feelings that was having at the time. It wasn't a positive post. It was difficult to write and difficult for some to read, however, I had several people talk to me about how they felt the same way. How they had situations where they felt hopeless and it honestly felt good to them that they weren't the only one that felt this way. They connected and by their admittance, I believe that we both felt a little stronger and even encouraged by such a negative topic. Sharing your pain can be contagious too! And contagious in a good way. I'm not talking about just being negative, but truly sharing the the pain and the source of it. Negativity is just a façade to hide the true problem, the true pain. Truly and honestly sharing your pain can bring out other who are or have dealt with it before and their are strength in numbers. Your pain is not your own, someone else has gone through it and all can be helped by it!

Two of my children are adopted, from Ethiopia. When we decided to adopt we began to talk about it with friends and family as any parents do with the induction of any new family member. The word spread quickly and others began to wonder and ask questions. People in a position where adoption wasn't even considered an option because they had never thought about it, were now thinking about it and I have even helped several families as they took steps toward inviting someone new into their family.

When someone else gets excited, don't we even a little? When someone else cries, don't we even a little? When someone else gets stronger, don't we even a little?

Your life is contagious! What you choose, how you live and what you say will affect those around you! Even those that your decisions don't even directly benefit will be touched. Be passionate, get excited, share with others, care for others, start traditions that mean something and encourage those around you! As insignificant you think your life may be, you have a huge foot print. Just start laughing in a restaurant and see!

You can make a difference, you are contagious!

Dance with me

My two youngest kids are my son, Tad, who is nine and Samiah, who is almost four. Right now they have the most conflict between them. They have the most fun as well. They pick on each other and sometimes that produces laughter and other times screaming and fits of rage! Yesterday they were on that track yet again. They would even go from laughing to anger then back to giggling with in as short as five minutes. When we arrived at the playground, Tad stepped right up on the edging that contained the playground mulch. They were about six inches wide and raised from the ground about six or eight inches. It made for a great balance beam that Tad followed around the playground. Samiah had seen him do this, so she decided to follow him as well. She was much slower at it than her five years older brother. Tad knew this and went around the playground passing Samiah and as he passed said something like "I'm going to beat you" or "I am going to win!" Samiah, feeling helpless to be able to prove him wrong let out a huge scream, fell down off the edging and began to cry and scream a bit more. I walked over to her to ask what was wrong because all I could see was Tad pass her without touching her. (Yes I was looking for him to do something to her) She sat there crying and she said "I want to win!" What? What did Tad do? "I want to Win!" she said! After consoling her a bit, I got the two of them together and made them apologize to each other. Shortly there after they were laughing and playing once again.

Relationships are hard! I don't have very many people that I am at odds with right now. I am certainly not perfect at relationships ... I have been divorced by the way. I also have a few relationships that are a little odd or off kilter. Not necessarily bad, but maybe slightly broken. The thing that I am most guilty of, is letting relationships fade away.

My best friend ... well I guess that we used to be anyway. We have never made the statement that we are no longer best friends but we haven't talked but once or twice in two and a half years! I am not blaming him, we are both very similar and that is why we connected so well. When we have something that we are focused on it is easy for us to lose sight of the relationships that are fading away around us. It's not intentional, it's just that I look back and six months may have flown by since we last talked. Just keeping up with relationships is hard!

We have a friend, Tiffany, who has a daughter, Tenleigh who was the flower girl at my wedding last June! She is an adorable little 4 year old with an attitude! She looks cute but will put you in your place quickly. We were a little worried that she wouldn't make it down the isle so I did all that I could that weekend to help her connect with me hoping to make her trip towards us a little less scary. Well, we really connected and when the music played during the reception, I grabbed her, took her to the dance floor and began to dance with her. We danced until I couldn't anymore. After a couple of minutes off of the dance floor, Tenleigh would come up to me and say "Dance with me!" When I had the energy to do so, I would. She probably asked me that twenty or thirty times and I just couldn't resist. Tiffany text my wife a week later because Tenleigh had asked her if we could get married again the next weekend so that she could dance with me again!

My wife and I like to dance. We have danced in clubs and have just slow danced in our living room. You see she has been in "dance" for a long time and she is really good. I, on the other hand, have nervous fits similar to seizures yet feel like I am as awesome as Usher! You better believe that when "Sexy and I know it" comes on by LMFAO my confidence goes through the roof and the dancing get all that much worse and more flamboyant! When my wife and I dance together, it mandates give and take, a bit of coordination and movements that compliment each other in order for it to even work.

Relationships are like little dances. Give and take, coordinated movements and watching your steps are all important to the whole choreography. I have been in relationships where toes have been stepped on, trust has been lost and a toss has been dropped. People have been hurt, the dance has seemed to have been ruined and you even want to give up and just stop the music. The thing is, in all the competitions that I have watched, when a mistake happens ... the music plays on! Dancers pick themselves up, dust themselves off and try it again. When dancers move together allowing each to play their role and even adjusting when things seem to change it is beautiful! When we interact with each other as though it's a dance and look toward what it could be if we work together, how beautiful our relationships could be.

Love each other, live life to it's fullest and don't forget to DANCE!

Will you dance with me?

Hopeless

Have you ever truly been hopeless? No options, possibilities or relief! Where no thing, no person and it seems that not even God can help you. For you, it feels like the the end of the world.

I have been there… Who am I kidding… I am there now! 

I have made some decisions that have put me in a position where I have no way out. Consequences of my decisions, I know. It is my own fault, I have trapped myself. It is like I am trapped in a room. Now, the room has two doors. Both doors seem like viable options, But when I open one of the doors I step into the room I just left from the opposite door. Any help that I receive only prolongs the inevitable. Kind of like I dig a hole through the wall only to find a hallway from which each door leads me back to the room that I was trapped in. I can't fix it, but I always fix it! That is what I do, I fix problems, bring solutions and mend the broken. With no fix possible, I am lost. Every time that I think about it, all I can do is shut down, paralyzed by the impossibilities. My Stomach starts churning and I feel nauseous. Soon after the feeling moves lower and reeks havoc through my bowels. I get nervous and short of breath. At this point I know that what is happening is not healthy. I don't like this feeling so on comes shutdown mode. I want to hide and the only thing that seems to hold these feelings back the longest and most securely is sleep! If I go to bed early and wake up just in time for work, I can dive in and not have to think about it as long as I can. The problem is that it catches back up with me. Just because I don't think about my problems doesn't mean that they go away! The way that I have dealt with this so far has not actually been of any real help. It has actually, kind of made things worse because when I remember, it amplifies my anxieties. 

So how can I actually get through this?

The thing is that I am human! The most evolved and resilient of creatures! We strive, persevere, survive and thrive! When bad things happen, when all hope seems lost, we gather together, support one another and make the world a better place because we care! My ancestors have survived under greater pressure, stress and circumstance. They have done it with less, under more stress! 

What are causing me the most stress honestly are some of the most insignificant things! I worry, if I fail, what will people think, who will I let down? What stature will I lose? Will this go on my permanent life report card? 

What does that matter? What matters is that I survive, I live and get to experience life at its fullest! At its fullest, life includes the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly, the exciting and the scary! I get a gift! The chance at life, the opportunities to love and be loved, hurt and care, make mistakes and help others! This is worth living! This is worth surviving! 

I will survive and thrive!

You will survive and thrive!

You da man

I was at this event and next to me was this man. My best description of him would be a short, homeless, homely John Lennon. He was late 40's to early 50's and maybe 4 feet tall. He had long, stringy, dirty blonde hair just a little shorter than shoulder length. He would use his fingers to gather his bangs and tuck them behind his ears about every 5 minutes. He had small, horizontally oval, wire rimmed glasses with old thick lenses that looked to be half as useful as they once were. His face was scraggly, not bearded but certainly unshaven. He was wearing blue jeans in that 90's splotchy bleach or white washed style and a thick solid blue jean jacket that as he swung it around to his back smelled of musty thrift shop. I don't know the man. I don't know if he was homeless, poor and if he walked to the event by himself.

There was a variety of people at the event. Business people, teens, mothers and general middle class workforce were in attendance, all of which certainly appeared to have a much higher income than this man. Yet he attended the event not wavered by this. I am not exactly sure why this man caught my attention! Maybe it was my slight infatuation with John Lennon and their eerie similarities, but what impacted me the most was that as baskets were passed through the event to raise money for the cause of the event, he grabbed a handful of change from his pocket, maybe at a max of $2, and placed it in the basket! This happening after I placed absolutely nothing in the basket myself before passing it to him! I can tell you, however, what I saw was a beautiful thing! That man gave more out of what he didn't have then what everyone else gave from what they had! His gift certainly didn't change the world, but he gave anyway! He actually cared about the well being of others even when it appeared that he would be most in need! Find something that you care about like that. Give to that whether it's $2 or $2,000! Give and be a part of something beautiful as we, collectively, make a difference in the world!

I really need a change

I love the holidays! Especially after them, because all the candy is like half priced! ... Yeah, I am large! I can't help it. When I see day after Easter, jelly beans, chocolate bunnies and Easter Ghirardelli chocolates ... yes you heard me right, Ghirardelli ... for 70% OFF, I just have to have me some! So I bought this package for like $1 and I asked my wife if she wanted me to get her a package too ... yeah, I wasn't sharing! She decided to be all responsible and she tells me no she didn't need it. So I said that's fine and just got mine. I ate a few of those delectable little chocolates and I thought, I'm going to save some for the next day. Responsible right ... NO it was foolish! Three of my chocolates were gone the next day! Three of them! My wife obviously changed her mind. After confronting her, she proceeds to tell me how delicious they were and how she should have gotten a package all her own ... yes, I KNOW! I go on to finish the rest of the package and she has the nerve to get upset that I ate them all! Really, you get upset because I eat MY candy! The following night she reminds me of how good they were and that she would like me to go back to the store and get her a package. I go to get my shoes on, jacket and keys. As I was about to leave, she says, "no, stay here, I don't need it." So I stay, put up my keys, shoes and jacket. As I start to sit down next to her she tells me again about how tasty those Ghirardelli chocolates were and that she actually would like me to go and get her some. I go again and get my shoes, keys and jacket. As I head back out to the living room she stops me again and says "no, I really don't need it." I asked her "are you sure?" And she says "yes I'm sure." I returned my shoes, keys, and jacket. Then I sat back down beside her on the couch. Now when we went to bed, I had gotten in my pajamas, laid down beside her and she says "you know I really would like that Ghirardelli chocolate!" ... I immediately said "NO!" I kissed her on the forehead and went to sleep. Yesterday I went to the store and I thought, as a loving husband, "let me get her that chocolate." I went and searched in the discounted candy but they were out of it by then, so I bought some malted eggs instead (which she can't have as she is allergic to gluten) :)!

She kept changing her mind! I nearly couldn't keep up.

When I was like five or six years old, I had this friend at church named Maria. She was energetic and fun. I even remember having a five-year-old pretend karate match with her and kicking her rather hard one time (accidentally) and she bounced right back up ready to go another round! Later that year I was told  by my parents that Maria was sick and that I needed to be a bit more careful with her. I honestly didn't notice much difference at first but over the coming years learned a lot more about her disease. Maria has a muscular dystrophy. A muscular disease that hasn't allowed her muscles to develop and even deteriorated them. She had get a motorized wheel chair and lost nearly all of her mobility. Though she never lost her spunk, she rarely was afraid to step in and tell you what she thought. Today she is in her thirties, is married and has kids. Maria, however, went through a huge change in her life.

Change is a part of life! It happens. Good changes and seemingly bad changes. Change happens to those who do good and those who do bad things in life. Sometimes the change means that we can do or have more and other times it means we do or have less.

"Change is the only constant in life!" Heraclitus (Ancient Greek Philosopher)

If we can't stop change from happening, how do we digest it? How do we deal with it? Is it an attitude? Is it yoga? Do we just hide and sleep it away? Do we attack it and change it back? Changes, bad changes, can obviously cause stress and anxiety. How do we keep from being tied up in knots over it?

I have a friend, Ann, who worked for a family services organization that had a residential campus for rehabilitation and development for kids and teens going through difficult situations. Their families could visit during a few hours every three weeks but there were some whose parents gave them over to the state and therefore these kids would not have visitors. This made that weekend in particular difficult for some of these kids. Ann came to me and several of my friends and asked if we would be willing to visit with some of these kids on that weekend for a little bit every three weeks which we did. It took a while for them to warm up but when they did you could see the anticipation they had for the next time they would get to see you.  It was a positive change in their life and really a positive change in mine!

To be honest, I can't tell you how to deal with change. I am not here to give you a seven step process to handle any of the changes that can occur in your family, job or friends. It would be easy to give some "get over it" philosophy with a "think positively" structure that sounds great in theory but can be impractical as we are emotional and erratic. However, what I do know is that we can positively enact change into the lives of others! If change is inevitable then why not use it to the advantage of benefiting others? Change is going to happen and if we can be a part of helping, appreciating and accepting someone else, we will make things better! We will make things right and the positive changes we have made for someone else will bleed over to affect us very much in the same way!

What you don't see

At work the other day my finger hurt whenever I pressed it. It wasn't like it was excruciating or anything but just enough to be annoying. When typing or using fine motor skills repetitively, it could get painful enough to make me stop whatever I was doing.  I would look to see what was causing it. Honestly, I couldn't see anything. There was a small bit of what seemed to be dirt under my fingernail. Not the usual kind of dirt that I normally clean out of my fingernails… Too much information, I know! It was so small and so difficult to get out.

How could something so small annoy me so badly? How could something so small impact my every day activities so drastically?

So, I sell cars. I actually care about my customers and I send them birthday cards on their birthday. I sold this one couple a car and in the meantime they had a birthday and I sent them each a birthday card. They came back and bought a second car for me. The reason they said that they came back to me was because I sent them a birthday card. Really? A birthday card? It didn't take much for me to send them their cards, however, it made such a huge impact. It really was important for them!

How could something that takes such little effort affect someone so profoundly?

Shortly after my divorce, my grandfather died. Now I'm pretty sure I didn't cause it, but I'm sure my divorce didn't help. I took some time off of work to be sure to be a part of the funeral. Now my divorce left several of my immediate family members a bit confused and I don't blame them. They were left in a state of hurt and shock! I had portrayed to them a perfect marriage and happy family. It was almost like I lied to them. So at the funeral, I walked in to the funeral home kind of like the first day of my freshman year in high school asking myself, "where am I going to fit in?" As I stepped in the doors I looked around the room searching, feeling like I didn't fit and didn't have a place in the receiving line. My Aunt Peg, however, catches my eyes and motions me to her. As I began walking toward her she meets me half way, embraces me with a hug and says, "you can stand here with us," motioning next to my cousins. Wow! I tear up just thinking about it! Something so little as acceptance! I didn't deserve it, but she gave it to me anyway! So little of a gesture, but I will remember it the rest of my life!

The little things matter! It's what we don't see that we do that makes such a huge impact on those around us! The simple "hello" or "I like your shoes!" The small act of carrying something for someone or holding the door for an extra second or two for a person about to pass through. These tiny things are huge and could be the very thing that changes the trajectory, emotions or fate of that person's day!

Whatever you do, it matters! Your smile, your pat on the back or even just your thumbs up gesture, it matters! Don't give up, your life and what you do, matters! It certainly matters to me! Thank you!

In My Feelings

Two and a half years ago I made a decision that transformed my life! It not only affected me but many of those around me. This decision affected my career, where I lived, what people thought of me and my relationships!

My wife and I divorced!

I stepped out of the house and my kids stayed with my wife! I had to find a new job, a new place and a new support system. This began a totally new relationship with my kids, my parents and my sisters.

Now don't get me wrong, this was my fault! Our marriage wasn't perfect and a relationship has two sides, I know, but ultimately I made the final decision and I hurt a lot of people in the process!

I hurt my wife because we never discussed divorce as an option. My kids were confused and didn't know how to react. My sisters were really good friends with my wife and it made it hard as they felt the need to choose sides. My parents, who are fantastic parents, had to question who they raised me to be. My Church, that I was majorly involved in, I left immediately with responsibilities and a confused spirit about me. I didn't talk to my best friend about any of it and left him completely out of the loop. There are so many more that I haven't mentioned here that I left hurt and confused with no explanation or consoling.

The thing is, at first, I had to focus! I had lost my job by leaving my wife (I worked for her parents company). I needed to find a new place and a new job immediately! Miraculously I found a job and was hired within eight days of leaving and I found an apartment within two days! With this intense focus, I had somewhat left everyone behind without giving proper attention to those left hurting and this left the pain more intense. After settling in and looking back, I noticed everything and everyone who was left in the wake of my decision. On noticing what had happened, to me and to those around me. Seeing, hearing and feeling the hurt that others had, I opened my self to listen to them. My sisters and my parents lit into me. My kids retreated from me. Many people un friended me on Facebook. I listened to them, all of them.

After seeing, hearing and feeling all the hurt that I caused, it boiled up inside me and I began to cry not just once but for days. Yes, you heard it, a grown man cried! There was so much damage and so little that I could do to fix it! I felt the pain that I caused and even do many times still today. I am actively pursing the relationships that I once had with my kids, my family and some friends though it is not easy or  even the same.

So, it's over, you may say. It's done, move on. There is no need to feel that way about it anymore.

Well there certainly is benefit to moving on. I have gotten married to an amazing woman! I am having success in my job and have built a new circle of friends. However it is okay that I still feel for the hurt and pain that others feel. It is okay for me to feel because my feelings are what make me experience things most alive! It is what makes us human, it's what makes us special! Our compassion, care, excitement and energy is what keeps this whole of humanity moving and growing, progressing and changing.

Have you ever noticed how contagious feelings are? When someone cries about a story in their life that they are telling, most everyone else seeing and hearing it end up with tears in their eyes! When someone starts laughing about something, it doesn't matter what it is about, just their laughter makes everyone around them snicker or even laugh out loud! Someone with energy and passion about something can so easily get others motivated and excited about it as well!

When we identify ourselves with the hurting, abused, entrapped and poor, we then can transfer those feelings from sadness and anger to motivation and passion. To help those experiencing what they cannot change. Without feeling, we are drones moving about with out purpose or direction.

When we feel, we become alive! We become human and we can change the world!

I will continue to do whatever that I need, to help in the healing of those that I hurt the most! I will do what I can to help those in my community and around the world in their healing as well.

I will feel with them and I will live! Live with a passion, a drive and an excitement for a future laced with new beginnings, healing and rejuvenation!

It's okay to feel!

Laughing Until You Can't Breathe

My kids do this thing, where they think that their numbers, I have four kids, qualify them for an attack on Dad. One kind of starts it and then solicits the other for the attack. I think that their goal is just to pin me to the ground and if they ever get me there, I'm not so sure they have a plan as to what they would do next. My best defense is to attack back individually before they collaborate their attack at the same time. Now I don't want to hurt my kids even though they may use some pretty aggressive measures. I tickle them and that does all that is needed to thwart their plan. Some times this results in a falling to the floor in laughter as was the case with my daughter recently. When that happens, I feel the need to prove that Daddy's got them and continue to attack with tickles! So much so that in this one instance my daughter is laughing so hard that she sputters out in segments between laughter "... I ... Can't ... Breathe!" I know that when this happens, I can let it go one of two ways. I can continue with my tickling and soon to follow will be tears, no longer of laughter but of crying and fear. Or I can stop for a moment, let her catch her breath, which I did, and shortly after she joins right back into the game!

I have been running recently. Well, I guess you can call it running. It looks a bit more like a seizure with my legs moving and I only do that for like a minute and a half then I walk for two minutes. I do this on and off ... until I reach the refrigerator!  LOL! No, I actually do it on the walkway by the river near my house in town, but it is a run/walk program to help train me to run three miles straight ... eventually. My problem right now isn't that my body forgets how to run, but more like it has forgotten how to breathe. When I start running I have this image of myself, like the advertisements I see with this well trained runner looking like its so easy. So my head starts up, my shoulders back and my stride long! I feel like I look good! Then, my body forgets how to breathe with in a few steps and my posture hunches, my arms whale a bit and I can't keep my head up as it bobs around gasping for a new breath. I no longer feel like the attractive runner that I started out with as the image in my head. All I can focus on is when I can walk again and catch my breath.

We take breathing for granted. It is an involuntary act that our body does and therefore we forget about it. It happens as we sleep even without us intentionally making ourselves take each breath. We don't really realize the importance of pausing and focusing on breathing until we can't. We lose our breath, we gasp for air and we panic. Once that air comes back, we stop, gather ourselves, slow our breathing down and compose ourselves relieved and grateful for the returned passage of air.

Ancient cultures could see the importance of breathing and with how important this invisible mass entering and exiting your body seemed to be, they even spiritualized it, giving it a supernatural or more important quality than many other things in life.

We run our lives crazy and busy. We have so much to do with so little time. Kids to deliver, feed, discipline. Finances to keep track of. Friends, family and spouse to make sure have our attention and are shown love and support. And of course a million other bits of nonsense that we never count but still take so much time. So many times, we forget to breathe. We forget to stop, enjoy and be grateful. The kids grow up fast and we spend out lives in panic, stress and high blood pressure. With just a bit of a pause each day, we can breathe, refocus, love, be thankful and release. A few seconds or a few minutes can transform your whole life. Take a few deep breaths and re-calibrate.

Black Water and the High Jump

"Jeremy?" says Austin, a fellow coworker and friend. "This song? It's by Three Dog Night, isn't it?"

"Yes!" I said confidently!

"Yeah, Jeremy, it is Three Dog Night. I'm sure of it!" says Austin.

The thing is ... I had no clue! I was born in the 80's but I know nothing about 80's music! You see the song was actually Black Water by The Doobie Brothers. And after writing the statement about 80's music, I looked it up and it was actually written in 1974, not in the 80's. LOL

Because I was so confident in my answer, I transformed Austin's wavering mind to solidly, yet incorrectly, believing this song was by Three Dog Night.

I used to high jump in track when I was in high school. Don't get me wrong ... I was terrible, but when I first started, I was much worse! The thing is that I am as flexible as a 2x4 and I never really loosened up. When I first lined up for the high jump I asked them to lower it, but they said it was the lowest it would go. I had the hardest time clearing it! I could dunk a basketball, but I couldn't clear this silly stick? I would try so many time and just couldn't get it. My coach told me, "You have to believe that you can do it or you will never get it." Thanks coach, no new techniques, no physical pointers, just a mental one. I figured that I must really suck if that's all he had for me. The next day I thought about it and kept envisioning what a high jumper is supposed to look like. I envisioned it as though it was me. I began to believe that is what I looked like and that I seriously just needed to believe in myself. That practice, I walked up to the high jump took off in as good of form as you are going to get from me and I cleared it! Grant it was not pretty nor looked anything like I envisioned it, but coming to horizontal pole raised in the air my confidence kept me from buckling at the last moment and I actually could raise the bar a little after a few more confident jumps.

Both of these situations were immensely effected by the confidence exuded! My manager used to get on me telling me that I lacked confidence and that's why I wasn't selling as many cars. Even though I knew all the information the customer needed, I would second guess my ability which left the customer lacking confidence in me.

It is amazing how a little mindset change can drastically improve results! I don't know what you are dealing with or what you are working on. In your job, family or with your friends, confidence can transform your relationships, performance and ideas! The impossible becomes possible, your weakness becomes strength and exciting things happen!

Be strong, be confident and find success!

Everybody wants a Cardboard Box!

You know, Thursdays are pretty ordinary for me! At the dealership, there isn't much that goes on. That's why we schedule half of the sales people their day off on Thursdays. Thursdays can get long and drawn out. A slow day, kind of like watching a pot boil, though a pot boils sooner than anything happens here on a Thursday, LOL!  It's just kind of boring, even depressing.

"Woo Hoo!" my daughter exclaims from the other room. "Yay! Wee!" she continues on. At this point, I figure, she has got to be getting into trouble. I go back to check on her and she is tumbling around in a larger box that I had placed back there. To be honest, I don't remember what she made the box out to be, a roller-coaster or swimming pool, but I know that she was having the time of her life! I mean, it was just a box! A pretty ordinary box at that. There wasn't even colorful attractive printing on the outside! Yet, for some reason, for her, it was the most extraordinary thing in the house!

How is that possible?  How can something so ordinary become so extraordinary?

It's all a matter of perspective. How we look at the cardboard box determines the value and therefore the excitement of it. My daughter chose to view that as something more than just an ordinary box. She used her imagination and looked at it with a new perspective!

You can do it too!

We have a problem and it is socially an epidemic. We have words for the negative thoughts running through our heads and that seems to make it acceptable to address things as such. "Ordinary" is one that is part of this plague. We can go through life, looking at the "ordinary" as blah, mundane, and even annoying. A rainy day, for example, I look at so many times as dreary and annoying. Rain, however viewed as ordinary, really is extraordinary! The cycle of water evaporating, rising to the sky and then falling on the earth is amazing when you really think about it. In ancient culture, before smart phones and blogs :), rain was exciting and even praised! Their ability to live was determined by the rain cycles and therefore their perspective was different then you and I.

When we stop and think about it, things change!

The man made tools, vehicles, fixtures and shelters become amazing and ingenious works of science and art! The natural becomes supernatural! The ordinary becomes extraordinary! The cardboard box becomes a space ship, time machine, Jacuzzi!

You can do it and I guarantee it will change your day ... your week ... your life!

Now ... Don't you want a cardboard box?

I DID IT

"I did it Daddy ... I did it!" my three year old daughter screams from the back seat of my Honda Pilot! Samiah's shoe had fallen off and she was trying to get it back on, which in our family is not an easy task at her age while strapped in a car seat with nothing to push her foot against. She was having trouble with it and my oldest daughter, Awan, was insisting on helping when Samiah obviously didn't want it. Her brother was on the other side of her with no clue that she was trying to accomplish anything and kept bumping her. Honestly, it was painful to watch in my rear view mirror. But after fifteen minutes of fending everyone off and struggling with her young uncoordinated body, she did it!

Success! We push, drive and persevere for it. We fend off the obstacles around us to get that job, buy that house, write that blog :) or win that contest! But how do we measure success? How do we know when something we have done is successful or not?

You see there is another side to success ... failure. When we fail to accomplish our goals, we can get angry, sad, confused and depressed. Some of us can shrug it off and not really care. I mean maybe that goal really wasn't all that important. Others of us are just torn apart! How we measure our success determines our reaction, our nerves and our health.

Black and White
One way that we measure success can be very black and white, all or nothing, if you're not first, you're last. Now this mentality can be very effective for motivation, if you're close to the top like second striving for first. What if you're not though? What if you are like the rest of us who aren't the most gifted or experienced? What if your black and white goal is just out of reach, but you gave it all you had, your very best?

Your Very Best
Another way we measure success is by our effort. We gave it our all, worked our hardest but the results just weren't there this time. This can be a good method giving worth to our efforts. The problem is that it is subjective. It's not easy to quantify.

In car sales, I have goals. Certain numbers of cars per month, per year that I strive to accomplish. Always a little more and a little better than the previous year. That sounds pretty black and white. I either hit my numbers or I don't, right? So maybe then if I don't hit my goals I can fall back on the effort logic, right? Lets say I hit or do better than the numbers, but my effort really wasn't all that great. I was pretty lazy but I got lucky! How do I measure it then?

The Target
I like to look at success as a target. The bulls eye of a target is never just a single point only the size of the dart or arrow. It is typically an area of which you have margin, different locations within the bulls eye is still on target. The arrow or dart that hits the edge of the bulls eye still gets the same points as the one that hits dead center. When I set goals, I normally set a range. I should get between 14 and 18 cars for the month or between 156 and 170 cars for the year. I have a target that I should hit and then a goal to reach for. Then having the long term goals helps in case there is a month where I don't reach my target or goal I may make up for it by going over those numbers on another month. Two under goal evens out when I am two over goal the following month, right? And I never forget about effort! I always take my efforts into account. I analyze my creativity, energy and quantity of task completion about 4 times a year.

So I get the opportunity to look back and say "I did it!" without the high blood pressure, anxiety and bad attitude.

Maybe your goals are different than mine. Getting to a certain weight through diet and exercise. Getting good grades and accepted by the right schools. Being noticed and hired by the right company in the right position. Financial goals, life goals, educational goals, we are always trying to measure our success and it can really stress us out! Give your self the chance to achieve, attain and thrive! Be able to look your opponents and obstacles in the face with a smile!

Then CELEBRATE! Because ... YOU DID IT!

Die, Winter! Die!

I have about had it with winter! Haven't you? All of the dead, cold nothingness! My weather app says that it feels like -19° outside today in Muncie Indiana! Then layer ice and a thick layer of snow on top of that! Slippery roads with never enough salt and plow trucks! I never wake up on a day like today excited for what's to come!

You know, sometimes I feel that way about my life! I just feel like the day is going to be dangerous. My experiences are cold, damp, dreary and just blah! I'm just waiting for the next time I'm going to slip up and and end up in the ditch. In these times I don't feel like there's anyone around who can or will help!

I had a friend tell me about a picture that he had seen. Someone had built a snowman ... but it was laying down. It had several knives stuck in what we would guess to be the abdominal region and the picture was titled "Die, Winter! Die!" You know, that is how I feel about winter right now, but really, that is how I feel about life at times.

You see, life is made of patterns, cycles, or seasons. Today is the Lunar New Year, another cycle that has just ended ... or you could say, just started! Each season, each pattern, each cycle has a beginning and an ending leading into something new.

The earth needs seasons. The dying off of Autumn creates great fertilization of the soil, the cold of winter and even the snow acts to preserve and insulate all in preparation for ...

SPRING!

Spring break, warm temperatures, beautiful flowers, green grass, sun shine, fresh starts, new beginnings, new life! All the good and excitement of spring wouldn't be there without the dead of winter! It may be cold right now, but spring time is coming! You may feel dead right now, but new life is coming!

We have our tough, rough and tumble. We get bruised, beaten, scorned and shamed. We get sad, mad, uptight and nervous. It gets cold and dark, but the sun is coming! We will have good, happy and joyful days. We will heal, persevere, be acknowledged and relieved! It will come! You will be stronger, smarter and matured because of it!

There are seasons and yours may be cold and hard right now. Every season has an end and new life always springs up from death! Yours spring time is coming! Stay strong!

Yeah, that feels good!

What is the best feeling ever!

Think about your life. That time that you won something! The moment that you accomplished something that you have been working hard for! When you got married! When your last child finally moves out! What are those moments in your life when elation exceeds the norm?

There is this little girl at my wife's daycare. She is the type of girl who says the things that everyone else is thinking but just won't say. She was in the restroom one day and she tells my wife, "I love to poop! I just feels so good!" Of course when you here this, you die laughing! Not because a little girl said "poop," but because we all have felt the same thing and have just never had the courage to say it out loud!

I recently have had a conflict with a friend of mine. I had acted in a way that, I felt, should have made this person really angry at me. I mean, I would have been angry if someone had done the same thing to me! After about a week of avoiding him, he approaches me and acts like nothing had happened. Nothing was wrong! This confused me, so later I asked him about it. He said that it was no big deal. That he understood why I did it. He mentioned that he was a bit taken back at first but after thinking about it, knew that I had not meant to hurt him. All of that was true! He understood me! He's not angry with me! Wow, what a relief!

Now that felt good! All of the anxiety that built up. The anticipation of a conversation in defense and worry about what he really thought of me. All pain I felt in punishing myself for hurting him. 

All of it ... GONE!

Now that is a lot different from dropping a load in the toilet, but the same feeling none the less!

Relief! Every good feeling that you have, I guarantee is tied to relief!

Relief is what hope is built on, what pursuit is driving for. It is what you and I live for, everyday! We don't live so that everything goes perfectly with out a drop of disappointment! We pursue everyday, through the hard times, searching for relief and when we get it, we would like it to stay. The problem is that we know, you can't have relief with out the hard times. 

If you are going through difficulty right now, don't worry, it's what has to happen in order for you to feel relief! The best feeling in the world! It's coming, persevere and when you get the opportunity pass it on! Their are plenty of opportunities to give relief to others, and when you do, you get to join in that moment of elation! You get to feel a bit of that relief, yourself! 

Tough times are going to come, but every time we sit on the toilet, let it be a reminder of what is soon to come!