Hopeless

Have you ever truly been hopeless? No options, possibilities or relief! Where no thing, no person and it seems that not even God can help you. For you, it feels like the the end of the world.

I have been there… Who am I kidding… I am there now! 

I have made some decisions that have put me in a position where I have no way out. Consequences of my decisions, I know. It is my own fault, I have trapped myself. It is like I am trapped in a room. Now, the room has two doors. Both doors seem like viable options, But when I open one of the doors I step into the room I just left from the opposite door. Any help that I receive only prolongs the inevitable. Kind of like I dig a hole through the wall only to find a hallway from which each door leads me back to the room that I was trapped in. I can't fix it, but I always fix it! That is what I do, I fix problems, bring solutions and mend the broken. With no fix possible, I am lost. Every time that I think about it, all I can do is shut down, paralyzed by the impossibilities. My Stomach starts churning and I feel nauseous. Soon after the feeling moves lower and reeks havoc through my bowels. I get nervous and short of breath. At this point I know that what is happening is not healthy. I don't like this feeling so on comes shutdown mode. I want to hide and the only thing that seems to hold these feelings back the longest and most securely is sleep! If I go to bed early and wake up just in time for work, I can dive in and not have to think about it as long as I can. The problem is that it catches back up with me. Just because I don't think about my problems doesn't mean that they go away! The way that I have dealt with this so far has not actually been of any real help. It has actually, kind of made things worse because when I remember, it amplifies my anxieties. 

So how can I actually get through this?

The thing is that I am human! The most evolved and resilient of creatures! We strive, persevere, survive and thrive! When bad things happen, when all hope seems lost, we gather together, support one another and make the world a better place because we care! My ancestors have survived under greater pressure, stress and circumstance. They have done it with less, under more stress! 

What are causing me the most stress honestly are some of the most insignificant things! I worry, if I fail, what will people think, who will I let down? What stature will I lose? Will this go on my permanent life report card? 

What does that matter? What matters is that I survive, I live and get to experience life at its fullest! At its fullest, life includes the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly, the exciting and the scary! I get a gift! The chance at life, the opportunities to love and be loved, hurt and care, make mistakes and help others! This is worth living! This is worth surviving! 

I will survive and thrive!

You will survive and thrive!