My wife and I divorced!
I stepped out of the house and my kids stayed with my wife! I had to find a new job, a new place and a new support system. This began a totally new relationship with my kids, my parents and my sisters.
Now don't get me wrong, this was my fault! Our marriage wasn't perfect and a relationship has two sides, I know, but ultimately I made the final decision and I hurt a lot of people in the process!
I hurt my wife because we never discussed divorce as an option. My kids were confused and didn't know how to react. My sisters were really good friends with my wife and it made it hard as they felt the need to choose sides. My parents, who are fantastic parents, had to question who they raised me to be. My Church, that I was majorly involved in, I left immediately with responsibilities and a confused spirit about me. I didn't talk to my best friend about any of it and left him completely out of the loop. There are so many more that I haven't mentioned here that I left hurt and confused with no explanation or consoling.
The thing is, at first, I had to focus! I had lost my job by leaving my wife (I worked for her parents company). I needed to find a new place and a new job immediately! Miraculously I found a job and was hired within eight days of leaving and I found an apartment within two days! With this intense focus, I had somewhat left everyone behind without giving proper attention to those left hurting and this left the pain more intense. After settling in and looking back, I noticed everything and everyone who was left in the wake of my decision. On noticing what had happened, to me and to those around me. Seeing, hearing and feeling the hurt that others had, I opened my self to listen to them. My sisters and my parents lit into me. My kids retreated from me. Many people un friended me on Facebook. I listened to them, all of them.
After seeing, hearing and feeling all the hurt that I caused, it boiled up inside me and I began to cry not just once but for days. Yes, you heard it, a grown man cried! There was so much damage and so little that I could do to fix it! I felt the pain that I caused and even do many times still today. I am actively pursing the relationships that I once had with my kids, my family and some friends though it is not easy or even the same.
So, it's over, you may say. It's done, move on. There is no need to feel that way about it anymore.
Well there certainly is benefit to moving on. I have gotten married to an amazing woman! I am having success in my job and have built a new circle of friends. However it is okay that I still feel for the hurt and pain that others feel. It is okay for me to feel because my feelings are what make me experience things most alive! It is what makes us human, it's what makes us special! Our compassion, care, excitement and energy is what keeps this whole of humanity moving and growing, progressing and changing.
Have you ever noticed how contagious feelings are? When someone cries about a story in their life that they are telling, most everyone else seeing and hearing it end up with tears in their eyes! When someone starts laughing about something, it doesn't matter what it is about, just their laughter makes everyone around them snicker or even laugh out loud! Someone with energy and passion about something can so easily get others motivated and excited about it as well!
When we identify ourselves with the hurting, abused, entrapped and poor, we then can transfer those feelings from sadness and anger to motivation and passion. To help those experiencing what they cannot change. Without feeling, we are drones moving about with out purpose or direction.
When we feel, we become alive! We become human and we can change the world!
I will continue to do whatever that I need, to help in the healing of those that I hurt the most! I will do what I can to help those in my community and around the world in their healing as well.
I will feel with them and I will live! Live with a passion, a drive and an excitement for a future laced with new beginnings, healing and rejuvenation!
It's okay to feel!
The thing is, at first, I had to focus! I had lost my job by leaving my wife (I worked for her parents company). I needed to find a new place and a new job immediately! Miraculously I found a job and was hired within eight days of leaving and I found an apartment within two days! With this intense focus, I had somewhat left everyone behind without giving proper attention to those left hurting and this left the pain more intense. After settling in and looking back, I noticed everything and everyone who was left in the wake of my decision. On noticing what had happened, to me and to those around me. Seeing, hearing and feeling the hurt that others had, I opened my self to listen to them. My sisters and my parents lit into me. My kids retreated from me. Many people un friended me on Facebook. I listened to them, all of them.
After seeing, hearing and feeling all the hurt that I caused, it boiled up inside me and I began to cry not just once but for days. Yes, you heard it, a grown man cried! There was so much damage and so little that I could do to fix it! I felt the pain that I caused and even do many times still today. I am actively pursing the relationships that I once had with my kids, my family and some friends though it is not easy or even the same.
So, it's over, you may say. It's done, move on. There is no need to feel that way about it anymore.
Well there certainly is benefit to moving on. I have gotten married to an amazing woman! I am having success in my job and have built a new circle of friends. However it is okay that I still feel for the hurt and pain that others feel. It is okay for me to feel because my feelings are what make me experience things most alive! It is what makes us human, it's what makes us special! Our compassion, care, excitement and energy is what keeps this whole of humanity moving and growing, progressing and changing.
Have you ever noticed how contagious feelings are? When someone cries about a story in their life that they are telling, most everyone else seeing and hearing it end up with tears in their eyes! When someone starts laughing about something, it doesn't matter what it is about, just their laughter makes everyone around them snicker or even laugh out loud! Someone with energy and passion about something can so easily get others motivated and excited about it as well!
When we identify ourselves with the hurting, abused, entrapped and poor, we then can transfer those feelings from sadness and anger to motivation and passion. To help those experiencing what they cannot change. Without feeling, we are drones moving about with out purpose or direction.
When we feel, we become alive! We become human and we can change the world!
I will continue to do whatever that I need, to help in the healing of those that I hurt the most! I will do what I can to help those in my community and around the world in their healing as well.
I will feel with them and I will live! Live with a passion, a drive and an excitement for a future laced with new beginnings, healing and rejuvenation!
It's okay to feel!
Come over. I'd like to talk but I don't want to say anything publicly. If I say something, you KNOW I'm sincere. Give me a call.
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